when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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