Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
