Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
