hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
