i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
