Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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