Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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