Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
