I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
