you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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