Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
