I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize