I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
