dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
