I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
