look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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