She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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