I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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