she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
