If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
