It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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