Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
