i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
