Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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