She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
