What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
These tits shall not be calmed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
