she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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