cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
