I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
