I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
