You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
how can u be prego again
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
