Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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