So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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