Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
