WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
dude. I can hear the air.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
