I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
