I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
