I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
