We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize