PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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