Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
