every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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