She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
