She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
