just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
