I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
