so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
