Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
