apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
