she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
