My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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