smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
