just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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