She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
