it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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