Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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