I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
