I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
