she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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