I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
