Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
