my soul wont recognize me after tonight
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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