Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
