When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
