she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
