Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
