Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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