She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
